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Letter of breaking up a relationship

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Letter of breaking up a relationship
September 30, 2018 1st Anniversary Wishes No comments

If you're having trouble figuring out how to start your breakup letter, here are some examples of different kinds of breakups to draw inspiration.

As time has gone on, you’ve started to realize that your partner might not be the right match for you. Today, you’ve made the decision to end the relationship but you’ve surely realized that this is never an easy thing to do. Writing a breakup letter is a good option for a variety of reasons, but it’s very important to make sure that you do it right.

Many people use a break up letter to lessen the blow, but incorrectly writing this letter can actually make your soon to be ex more upset and hurt than you intended. This is why I wanted to write this article today on how to write the perfect letter to end a relationship. I am going to go over whether or not this is the most optimal tool for your relationship, what you need to include, what you need to exclude, and how you should present your thoughts on paper.

It’s important to think about whether or not this tool is going to work for your situation. Sometimes break up letters have a bad connotation and you’re going to have to think about whether or not your partner is going to find this to be appropriate or not. Don’t worry, you’re about to read an in-depth article on the ins and outs of this break up technique and should you choose to use it, you’ll know how to do it in the best way possible!

Why break up letters are often used by people who want to end a relationship

I’m going to be frank with you here. Some people think that using a break up letter is cowardly. They argue that it gives you an excuse to not have to own up and face the person you’re breaking up with face to face. They will say that there are so many other ways to break up with someone (which I will go over in a moment) and that using a letter means that you’re taking the easy way out.

While there is no “easy” way to break up with someone, especially if you’ve been together for a long time, sometimes the breakup letter does prove to be the best option – if you do it right!

Sure, many people turn to this tool because they really don’t want to have to break up with their partner face to face and actually witness this person’s heart breaking, but other people know that this is the best way to clearly express what they’re feeling. A lot of people freeze up under pressure or in stressful situations and have a very hard time getting their point across in the way that they intend.

Sometimes it comes out the wrong way, sometimes they aren’t even able to get the words out, and sometimes they fail at getting the actual point across. Breaking up with someone is very stressful, and it’s normal that a person might think that doing so face to face isn’t going to go as planned.

Another thing I’ve witnessed is people knowing that they want to end a relationship, but as soon as they see their partner they just can’t bring themselves to actually go through with it. We of course don’t want to make another person suffer, and it’s also very easy to just tell yourself, “Ok, I’ll just do it next time instead.”

The longer this period lasts, the worse you feel. I think it’s probably safe to say that your behavior has changed since you’ve made the decision to end this relationship, so your partner is more than likely aware of the fact that something is up.

Breakup letters allow a person to sit down, gather their thoughts, and take the time to write out what they’re feeling and figure out the absolute best way to present it. I’m sure you’ve experienced moments in which you were so nervous that your words didn’t come out right and then you ended up regretting the way you said it? Well, the letter helps to guard against this type of thing.

I do want to take a moment to mention that this letter should not be used as an end all. What I mean by that is that preferably, it should be a gateway to another conversation. Writing a letter and then disappearing into thin air doesn’t give you and your partner the chance to discuss what’s going on, and what needs to happen next. Your partner is also going to have things they want to say to you.

This is especially true if you have been together for a long time. It would be ideal to give him or her the option of seeing you, especially if they want to have some sort of closure. That said, if you know that you absolutely cannot see them anymore for some reason, don’t write anything that would lead them on in your letter and make them think that he or she will be seeing you soon.

Ideally, write the most important and hardest topics in this letter, and be open to discussing them in person afterwards. Make sure that you explain why you’re writing this letter. Tell your partner that you’re writing a break up letter to her or him because you want to make sure that you can clearly express what’s on your mind and in your heart.

Don’t worry, I’ll go over what to include and what not to do in breaking up letters a little further down.

Break up letter: Is it the only way?

As I said above, the ideal way to break up with someone you are in a relationship is to do so face to face. Yes, it’s stressful and you don’t want to hurt your significant other, but there are many other ways to break up that people use.

Some people even do so using a break up text, but I definitely don’t recommend this is if you’ve been together for a long time.

Another way to break up with someone that is almost as good as doing so face to face is doing it over the phone.

I’m definitely not saying that breaking up letters are bad ideas, but I am saying that it’s important for you to think about how your significant other is going to take it and why you’re choosing this method. Is it to avoid confrontation, or is it really because you want to express your feelings in the best way possible and you know that this would be the right tool to do just that?

Some people break up with their partners just by disappearing into thin air and this I have to say IS cowardly, especially if this isn’t just a one night stand.

Now if you’re experiencing a relationship that is abusive or toxic, that is a different story. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you aren’t sure about what to do.

Why a break up letter is better than a break up text

Some people might argue that a break up text, a break up letter, or even a break up paragraph are all the same, but they are not.

The advantage that the letter has is that it’s longer, so you can really write everything out exactly how you intend to communicate it. Texts are short, and no one likes receiving 50 messages one after the next. Plus, a letter can be handwritten which reflects thought and effort. Texts are too casual for this type of situation

Receiving a text from a person that wants to break up with can come across as quite a blow. If a text should be used for anything in this situation it should be to set up meeting and talking face to face – not to end the relationship. Again, if this is a one night stand type of thing, that’s a different story.

I am referring to relationships that have have been more or less serious and have gone on for a while.

Break up letter to boyfriend or girlfriend: Make sure you include these elements

When you are writing a break up letter to him or her, I want to make sure that you include certain elements that are very important. First of all, I would suggest acknowledging that things have been tense in the relationship for a while, and you wanted to write this letter to explain why you’ve been acting the way you have been (whether that’s cold, distant, aloof, hostile, angry…etc.)

Make sure that your wording in the letter comes across as natural and that you write clearly. No need for poetic allegories or symbolic musings. You don’t want to beat around the bush and you don’t want your significant other to become more frustrated, confused, or stressed out than need be.

The letter does need to include your reasons. It can’t just say, “This isn’t working, it’s over…”

Talk about what has lead you to this decision, keep the letter concise. It doesn’t need to go on for pages and pages. It should be well-thought-out and clearly written. You want to get your point across eloquently and clearly. Don’t leave room for your soon-to-be-ex to wonder what you’re trying to say.

You don’t need to be cruel or harsh, but make sure that your decision to end the relationship is clear and that this letter contains your reasoning.

As each relationship is different and everyone’s reason to want to end the relationship will vary, I know that everyone’s letter is going to have a different tone. Some people want to end things on a cordial note, whereas others are furious about something that happened and are writing this letter to tell their partner that they don’t ever want to see them again.

I will say this however – the more calm you are in this letter, the more easily your point will be made and the more likely it will be that your partner understands why you feel this has to happen.

Elements to avoid including in your letter

It’s equally important to talk about what needs to be left out of your letter.

Like I said above, you need to write naturally. This also means that there is no sense in being overly dramatic or emotional. Your partner will be more likely to appreciate a well thought out letter explaining what’s in your heart right now than something that reads like a monologue from a soap opera.

When you write this letter to break up, it’s very important to be honest, but not brutally honest. If the truth is that you are leaving your partner because they have changed and are no longer physically attractive to you, well, this isn’t really something you need to include in your letter. Instead, tell them that your feelings for them are not where they need to be for this relationship to continue to develop, or that you’ve enjoyed spending time together but this relationship isn’t the right fit for you.

Don’t use this letter as a list of attacks. Yes, write out the main reasons for this decision, but you don’t need to list out every little thing your significant other has ever done that made you unhappy. Talk about the big things that are non-negotiable for you, but you don’t need to nitpick.

If you don’t plan on leaving the door open to possibility in the future, don’t write things in your letter that would make your boyfriend or girlfriend think that you are. You don’t want to lead them on or sugar coat things in a way that gives them hope for something that isn’t going to happen.

Don’t use this letter as a tool for pointing the finger for however many pages you decide to write. Simply put, you don’t have to be cold or cruel, but you should be honest.

If you want to end things on a cordial note, wish him or her well, and encourage them to move on because they do have great qualities. If you don’t wish to have any contact with him or her at all after this letter, just end the letter with something like, “Wishing you well.”

When you write this letter to leave your boyfriend or girlfriend, don’t send it right away. Sleep on it and revisit it the next day or a few days later. Sometimes you might write things in the heat of the moment that don’t sound right to you the next day, so make sure you reread and check that it feels right before sending it.

It’s fine if you need to write a few drafts. The most important thing is to send something that you feel successfully portrays what you want to say and why you feel that this relationship cannot go any further.

Writing and sending a breakup letter: What to expect

People sometimes think that sending a breakup letter is just going to guarantee that they’ve finished the relationship in one clean swoop. It’s important to note that more often than not, the letter is actually what begins the break up process – not what finishes it.

When your partner receives this letter about breaking up, he or she is most likely going to want to talk to you.

They are going to experience heartache and grief, even if you worked very hard to write a gentle breakup letter. You can do your part to lessen the blow as much as possible, but you can’t expect your partner to have no emotional reaction whatsoever.

So my suggestion is to be open to having a conversation about the break up. The letter will have expressed the main reasons you have for ending your relationship, but your ex will have questions.

After having sat down and thought clearly defined your reasons for making this choice, you will have everything you need to get through this conversation. You will have answers to his or her questions, and they will already know that you’ve decided to separate, so don’t let yourself be too nervous about it.

As I said, I’m always here to help.

Wishing you all the best,

Your coach for knowing how to write the best breakup letter

Alexandre Cormont

Samples of a breakup letter. 01Breakup letter to End a Long Distance Relationship [Name], I need to express something, and while a letter felt.

How to Write a Break-Up Letter or Break-Up Email

letter of breaking up a relationship

Breaking up with someone is never easy. Whether you're married, planning to marry, engaged, or dating it's always painful to end a relationship. Many times it's actually more painful for the person saying goodbye. Unfortunately responsible adult love sometimes requires you to take that first step and breakup. Obviously if you're married this means a divorce, but when you remove all of the complex interactions and issues married couples usually have, it's still just a breakup. In this sense all breakups are the same, and they all leave you a little brokenhearted.

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In the tutorial below, we will discuss how to write a breakup letter. After reading through this article, if you have questions or comments, or you'd like to share your own story with us, then please do so in the space provided at the end of this tutorial.

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Deciding what to write

What you write in a breakup letter is very important. The objective of any breakup is ending the relationship. This should be done with a focus on closure. Closure means not leaving any doors open to continue your relationship. It does not mean you can't be friends. It does not mean you can't still talk. It does however mean that your relationship is absolutely and irrevocably finished. To make sure you express this clearly in your own breakup letter, we're going to go over some important steps below.

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Sample Breakup Letter

If you'd like to see a sample breakup letter, read on for a real world example. This letter was given to a woman by her husband the day they signed their divorce papers. It's a bit poetic, but it mentions no names, and does not seek to fight. Rather, it is a last piece of closure. Closure for the man who wrote it, and closure for the woman receiving it. With permission from the author, we have reproduced the letter here and given his explanations of what each part means. Read on to understand how and why this particular letter was written.

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    Provide more detail and take ownership

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    Go into what went wrong. Even if you might not feel entirely responsible for what happened, take some real blame for it. Remember, it takes two people to have a relationship. Explain any issues but don't be too long. You are leaving, so there is no reason to write a book about it.
    Especially me.
    Maybe it's because you only knew the unpleasant and indifferent love you received from your father as a child. Perhaps it was your culture, where a man is expected to take what he wants from a woman -- even if she might not want it. I don't know, but I do know that what we had was not love, and that's what destroyed us.
    I wasn't able to live in a loveless environment. I fought. I kicked. I screamed. It changed nothing. You grew increasingly distant, blaming something I had said or hadn't said or done, when the real problem was us. You didn't know how to love, and I didn't know how to teach you. I was left desperately wishing for anything to fill the void, and in the end it broke me.

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    End it with an example or whatever your 'last straw' was in the relationship

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    This can be material, mental, or even spiritual. The important thing is that it's authentic. If your last straw was something like leaving a light on, then say so. The point about this section is just to honestly explain that it's over, and give a little more color to why that is. Just make sure you don't leave any possibility for there being a second chance. Make it clear that things are over.
    It's over now.
    The day before our divorce was signed I gave you nine tulips and seven roses. I chose exactly that number and type of flowers without any idea of their cost, but in a twist of symmetry, they cost 97 local dollars. One tulip of each color from each of our three boys, and seven roses from me. Three white tulips for innocence lost, three red for love, and three purple for rebirth -- either together or with another.
    Of the roses, six were red and one white. One red rose for each bloody or passionate year of our marriage, and a white rose to rest above them all. The salvation of our marriage was a white rose of peace, which you refused, and so it became divorce. A funeral shroud to hide what had died between us, but now there will be no more flowers. When these die, so does what we had.

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    Wish the person well and walk away forever

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    This is the hardest part to write, because it's the end. Let the person know you are not going to miss him or her, even if you will. Let him or her know why you won't miss him or her, even if it means focusing on future reasons that haven't come to pass. When you are done, finish it. End it. Leave no room for that person to get back into your life. If there is a chance years later, then accept that when it happens, but right now you need to just walk away and make sure it has ended.
    I will not miss you.
    My one consolation is that this divorce has opened your eyes more to love. You show a depth of care for our boys greater than any you've ever shown me. I truly hope you are able to nurture that, and in time watch it grow into real love. Love of yourself, love of them, and maybe even someone else one day.
    There was a time I would have been sorry the person you eventually love won't be me, but that time has passed. I'm not sorry it won't be me, and I'm not sorry it's over. My sorrow is for three little boys who lost their family so their mother could find her freedom. Unfortunately, you are not yet at a place where you are able to understand or see such things.
    May you find happiness. May it last.

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Final Thoughts

Do you have your own breakup letter? Want to share it with us, or share your story? Maybe you want help writing your own breakup letter? Let us know in the comments section below, or ask a question so one of our experts can get back to you and try to help.

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See other tutorials on writing and letters: Sign Your Name, Create a Cool Signature, Address an Envelope for an Apology Letter, Fold a Letter, Write an Apology Letter to Your Husband, Write an Apology Letter to Your Boss or Company, Fold a Letter, Address an Envelope for an Apology Letter, Write a Letter of Apology, and Write a Letter of Pleading.

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Article Info

Categories : Heartbreak | Relationships

Recent edits by: Eng, Train Wreck

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How to Write a Break Up Letter Without Making Them Hate You

letter of breaking up a relationship

Breaking up isn't always easy, but there are plenty of strategies that can help you on the journey to healing—like cutting off all contact with your former partner and taking the necessary time to unpack your feelings. Another powerful tool? Writing a cathartic closure letter to your ex.

In an article published by the American Psychological Association, researchers found that therapeutic writing has positive effects on the immune system—but in order to reap the health benefits, it's key that you use the exercise to learn from your emotions instead of simply reliving painful memories through the act of writing. So whether you've decided to write your words on paper or type a heartfelt email, keep reading for five key tips for writing a letter that can help you come to terms with your breakup and get over your former flame.

Stay Clear-Headed

When you sit down to write, it’s important that you’re in the right state of mind. For example, writing the letter after a few glasses of wine or hard day at the office may not be the best way to approach any important type of writing exercise, especially one pertaining to your love life. Instead, find a time when you feel level-headed, can think about your past relationship in a rational and objective way, and are able to truly focus your thoughts without any interruptions or distractions.

Focus on Yourself

When crafting a letter to your ex, the focus should be on yourself and how you feel. Rather than pointing out all their faults or blaming them for what went wrong in the relationship, the better approach is to look internally. For example, explain how you felt when certain things occurred and do your best to explain why you were disappointed as a result of various situations. You can also use this time to share insight into your own actions and why you reacted in such a way when things transpired between the two of you. If your approach is one of self-explanation rather than accusations, your ex will likely be more receptive to your message.

Steer Clear of Insults

It’s imperative that you take the high road in any situation—and especially when it comes to handling a past relationship. That means keeping the insults or passive-aggressive jabs out of the letter, both in terms of specifics as well as the overall tone itself. After all, if your ex feels disrespected, judged, or that their character is being attacked, they might become defensive and disregard your letter altogether.  Rather than relying on criticism and low-blows, make sure that your words are constructive and productive.

Write From Your Heart

While the letter may have your ex's name on it, you should remember that the purpose of this writing exercise is to help yourself move on after the relationship. You don't necessarily need to forgive your ex, but you do owe it to yourself to be honest about your feelings and allow yourself to shed the heavy burden of their wrongdoings. In addition, you can also use this letter as an opportunity to apologize to your ex. After all, if you know that you're also at fault and this has been preventing you from finding the closure you’ve been seeking, this is the perfect time to say you’re sorry. 

Hit Send—Or Keep It In Drafts

Now that you've gotten everything off your chest, it’s important to keep in mind that you don’t actually have to send that post-breakup email or letter. In fact, it’s not uncommon to find that the simple act of writing out your thoughts and feelings about what happened between the two of you and where things went wrong in your relationship can be powerful enough to help you move on. You can also consider reading your letter to a close friend, family member, or mental health professional who will truly listen to you, support you, and provide guidance as well.

Keep in mind that getting over a relationship doesn't happen overnight, but the act of writing this letter can help you kickstart the healing process.

However, sometimes circumstances demand that the break-up be initiated by writing. These circumstances include: 1) Long-distance relationships 2) Instances .

An open letter to the person going through a breakup who feels like it’s the end of the world

letter of breaking up a relationship

A relationship is the best part of any boy’s or girl’s life that they would probably want to be in for long term. But unfortunately, a point comes in our life when we feel that it is almost impossible to survive in a relationship and we have to move ahead breaking up all the threads of love and care. Although it’s really unfortunate but if you are too looking to say goodbye to your love partner and want to send a breakup letter to him or her, here are the most emotional and touchy break up letter templates that you may find awesome. You may also see Resignation Letter Templates.

Break Up Letter To Boyfriend

Here is most loving, emotional and respectful break up letter to boyfriend that would probably make him feel the actual friendship bond between both of you besides the grudges you had while being in relationship. This template will let you say a final goodbye to your partner without any negative feeling in mind. You may also see Teacher Cover Letter Templates.
Want to send a break up letter to your boyfriend or girlfriend? Here is your wonderful goodbye break up letter available for download that will let you share your final feelings with your partner while saying emotional goodbye to him or her and making them forget all the negative moments that you had in your relationship period. Download it now.

Break-Up Letter Declaration

Want to declare end of your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Download this awesome goodbye letter and it will help you in letting your partner know that you are quitting from the relationship. This template is available in word format so you can easily customize this and write in your own words to express your personalized feelings.

Sad Break Up Letter

Want to express your emotional and sad feelings while sending a break up letter to your boyfriend or girlfriend? Here is the destination template for, just get this download and express your sorrow and sadness about breaking up the relationship. This template will really make your partner feel positive about you and be your well-wisher forever even after various negative moments in your relationship.

Break Up Letter To Girlfriend

Have you decided to break up with your girlfriend? Send an emotional and heart touching goodbye to your love partner with this really amazing break up letter template available in word format. This can be customized as per your requirements. Make your girlfriend understand your inner voice and feelings and be your best friend forever besides this break up.

Funny Break Up Letter

How Can You Utilize These Top Class Break Up Letter Templates?

All the above listed break up letters and made to be utilized when you think there is no way to go with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If you think your grudges have become out of control, then that may be the condition to use these break up letters. Break ups may sometimes get much more destructive and harmful to individuals’ life if not planned and explained well. You may also see Job Cover Letter Templates.

So while ending up your relationship, it is better to express your opinions politely remembering incidents when you spent happy times together. For a peaceful break up, you can use any of these break up letters and these will help you in writing an emotional touchy and loving goodbye message to your girlfriend or boyfriend.

Who All Can Use These Break Up Letter Templates?

Break up letter templates are made to be used by love birds who are facing such strong grudges in their relationships that it has been brought to almost an end. Such love birds may need the way of words to express their last feelings to their partners remembering all the happier times that they have spent together. Whether you are a girl or a boy, these break up letters can be used by anyone who have decided to part ways with his/her partner. But usage of words need to be done carefully so that it do not hurt the self-respect of your partner.

> What Are the Most Significant Benefits Brought to you by These Break Up Letters?

The most important benefit of these breakup letters is that you can have a handful of words and feelings to express without wasting much time in writing those. If you have decided to part ways with your partner, you might be confused of how to express your untold feelings and end up your relation on a positive node forgetting all the grievances. You may also see Termination Letter Templates.

In such a case, break up letter templates offer you a lovely way to send a perfect message that is full of emotions, joy, memories and well wishes to your love partner. Due to the lack of sense of expressing emotions positively, many relationships end up with a negative node keeping countless negativities and hate stories in mind. Opposite to that, these templates will help you in sharing loving and beautiful memories of the times that you have spent together so that you can move ahead with good memories.

All these break up letters are ideal to be used if you want to say the final good bye to your girlfriend or boyfriend. Relationship is a beautiful phase in everyone’s life about which, only the beautiful things should be remembered. So even if you have decided to part ways from your partner, it is always crucial to end up on a positive node. So get downloaded any of the above mentioned goodbye letters and send a heart touching final good bye to your love.

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To the person going through a breakup, I want you to know that it's not So when you come out of a relationship and learn how to spend time.

letter of breaking up a relationship
Written by Akinoktilar
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