I hate to be the one who has to say it, but our relationship is already over and our love is a ship that has sailed, we just have to say the final.
What makes saying goodbye to your partner harder is not knowing when your going to see each other next. This step is much easier said than done, but try and figure out the next time you will see each other. This way, you can start a countdown, and when it’s time to say goodbye, at least you know when you will see your girlfriend / boyfriend next!
The worst thing you can do is sit down and think about how upset you’ll be when saying goodbye. Make plans for yourself – hang out with your friends later that week, or go see a movie. Whatever will keep you busy, do it!
Okay, this might sound a little silly, but don’t be afraid to cry! Let it out! You don’t need to hide your emotions – even if you’re at the airport. Letting out your emotions also shows your partner how much you care. It’s okay not to be okay.
The night before you leave, do something special. Go to your favorite restaurant together, or watch your favorite movie in bed together. Whatever you both love to do, do it one last time before your goodbye.
Figure out how you will stay connected. If your partner is the one heading home, they should send you their flight details, keep you updated with boarding, landing, and when they get home. This will definitely ease your worries.
A lot of people get worried when it comes to their partner leaving. They’re unsure when they’ll see them next, if they’ll see each other next, and sometimes have even more annoying thoughts. It’s a scary thing saying goodbye… Just stay positive and don’t let your thoughts upset you.
Goodbyes are inevitable, whether they happen because you're moving away, calling a relationship quits, or even leaving your new job after.
By Krishnananda and Amana
Johan, a 19-year-old man from Switzerland, contacted us because he was suffering from a breakup of his four-year relationship. This was the love of his life and he was convinced before they separated that they would be together forever.
“This was not a teenage love,” he told us, “this was really a deep love that we had and still have.”
“Also, he said, “she didn’t leave because she found someone else or didn’t love me anymore, she left because she felt she was too young to be so attached to one man and she said she needed to live and experience more before she was ready to settle down.”
He had a good attitude toward this experience. “I know it is all for the best and that this is for my growth. But at the same time, the feelings of loneliness and panic are very intense and I need some help to learn how to understand and deal with them.”
The end of a relationship or the loss of a loved one can be one of the most traumatic happenings in our life.
Think back for a moment to the last time that this happened to you.
Perhaps someone left you, perhaps someone close to you died, or perhaps you and another person slowly drifted apart until one day you realized that the love was gone.
At these times in life, it doesn’t work if we try to hide or run away from our pain with spiritual concepts. We have to go through a deep inner process.
When a relationship ends or when we lose someone, we are face to face with our abandonment wound. This wound is very old and deep. The breakup is only the tip of the iceberg of the emotions of anger, panic, hurt, betrayal, disappointment, shock, grief, guilt, and/or insecurity that come up.
It is helpful to have the knowledge and the understanding that our abandonment wound has opened and that the feelings that get provoked can be terrifying, disruptive, and confusing.
Many of us enter relationships, not just love relationships, with the fantasy that this person will somehow understand us, be present to us, and nourish us in a way that we have always longed for. We don’t see the other person as he or she is because we are in the consciousness of a wounded child who longs to be loved in a way that will take away our fears and loneliness.
When a relationship ends, and usually long before it ends, the other person’s behavior has shattered our fantasy. Or when a beloved parent dies, we are also faced with having to come out of a wonderland of living in the glow of this parent’s love or the hope of ever getting the love from the parent that we never received.
We may feel compelled to try to get the other person back (in the case of rejection) or ruminate about what we did wrong or could have done better. We may become depressed and lose any motivation in life.
We may lean on friends, complain, and try to get comfort any way we can.
We may even try to forget the pain with alcohol, marijuana, or prescription medicine.
Perhaps for the first time in our life, we realize how alone we are.
We realize how much shame and insecurity we hold inside because nothing brings up more shame that rejection and loss.
It may also be important to reach out for help from a professional who knows and understands about the abandonment wound and can guide us through the stages of recovering. This person can give us a framework to understand what and why this has happened to us and give us the tools to recover.
As we worked with Johan, we helped him to contain the panic inside by teaching him to gently meditate on the body experiences connected with his panic and restlessness. We helped him to bring more awareness to his wounded child that was carrying deep feelings of unworthiness and remorse that he might have done something different when they were together. We taught him to understand his feelings of panic and loneliness and to validate them.
In our experience, this journey of recovering from loss and abandonment requires a gentle balance of feeling and understanding. It is important to frame the experience so that we know what it is and why is happening to us. And it is also important to go inside and be with the feelings that are coming up.
This journey of recovering from abandonment is a vital part of the Learning Love Work because it helps us to become a mature person and to be able to create and sustain real intimacy in our life, with ourselves and with others
Until that time, our relationships are child’s play.
When we are faced with this kind of experience, we heal by:
Knowing that our abandonment from childhood has opened.
Learning how to breathe consciously into it and allow the fear and pain to be there.
Recognizing the voices of shame that torment us and knowing that it is the wound of shame that also opens when we have a loss or rejection.
Understanding that before facing this wound, we often create relationships to avoid our shame and aloneness.
Knowing that the pain and fear is giving us deep inner strength and space that will allow us to live our lives in a much healthier way.
Understanding that with time, the pain will diminish and deep insights will begin to come.
In the end, we can see that we have become a different and more mature person.
We can see that something much better is now possible.
But these insights are the prize for taking the journey of healing from loss and abandonment.
Now, they come not as an empty concept but as a deep inner realization.
Are you moving on from a relationship in your life? Maybe that relationship is with a person, or maybe it is a job, geographic location, habit, mindset, philosophy, religion, thought, or something else.
I invite you to use the following letter as a template for your own goodbye ceremony.
Take as much time as you need. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to take a five-hour bath or totally just chill and relax for the rest of the day, please give yourself permission to do just that.
Once you have read the letter aloud, slowly tear it up into tiny pieces and, if possible, burn the letter. By burning the letter, you signal the conclusion, the final release.
Of course, if the relationship you are ending is with a person or with a job, then you will need to soon have some conversations. However, it’s so important to do your goodbye ceremony first, as it sets the stage for clearer, more conscious conversations later.
In the days that follow your ceremony, if any doubts, sadness, or negative feelings arise, simply acknowledge them, feel them fully, and then allow them to naturally and gently flow through and out of you. If you allow yourself to feel, you will find—quite amazingly!—that the feelings will dissipate on their own.
It is only when we try to resist the feeling that the feeling persists. So, do not fear the feelings. Allow them, feel them, and watch them move away.
Dear [insert name of person, place, situation, habit, etc.] ,
The time has come for me to say goodbye to you.
You have been a beloved companion, a wonderful presence in my life for _____ years/months. I am so grateful you have been in my life because you taught me how to_____. Also, you helped me to _____.
However, I now realize that our relationship no longer serves me. I have reached a stage of my personal evolution where I am ready to peacefully and gratefully release you. In so doing, I allow space in my life for something new, which will better serve me.
I am ready to move on from you.
Therefore, as my intention is to move on, I ask the Universe to now cut the cords of attachment that may linger in my energetic field. I ask that my spirit guides, angels, teachers, and/or beloved ancestors to be with me at this time and help me, as I make this much-needed transition. I ask that I be surrounded by a protective shield of light. I ask that my mind be clear of doubts, and I ask that my heart be free of negative emotions regarding this change. I also ask that my body be strong and healthy, as I undergo this shift.
It has truly been a wonderful journey with you ____. I am now releasing you, freeing you, and allowing you to dissolve from my life.
Thank you. Farewell.
With Love & Gratitude,
I hope that this letter helps you in your journey of moving on from a relationship with peace.
Relationships are often not black and white, and the gray areas can make breaking up rather confusing. Knowing the right time to say goodbye.
Giving up on a relationship can be challenging, especially when there are reasons to stay. Relationships are often not black and white, and the gray areas can make breaking up rather confusing. Knowing the right time to say goodbye will save you from prolonging a relationship that isn’t right, and enduring the headache and heartache that can come from staying too long.
Here are 7 examples of when some things are good, but it might still be time to walk away.
It’s the wrong person. Sometimes it’s simply the wrong person; you have a whole list of reasons to break up but you still stay together. Why? Maybe because you don’t want to start the dating process again. Perhaps you don’t have any other prospects. You might be too scared of an uncertain future or just too lazy to break up. Whatever the reason, if you know that you should break up, just do it! Take a deep breath and end the relationship.
You have no connection and it’s not growing. Have you ever stuck with someone because you had hoped the connection would grow? I think that’s the right way to date: Go into dating optimistic and know that a connection can grow. But sometimes it just doesn’t. You feel the same after five dates as you did after the first one. If that connection hasn’t shifted much since the first date, it’s time to think about whether you’ve put enough effort into trying to build something or if you need to make one last push before saying goodbye. Be sure you’ve really tried so that when you walk away you’ll know you’ve done all you could.
The timing is bad. You met someone wonderful but the timing was off. You were in the middle of a move or transitioning into a new job. Maybe you had a family emergency that took over your life for a while and didn’t allow you to date. Sometimes it’s not the wrong person, but it is the wrong time. When that happens, it’s best to let the person know that the timing is off—but that doesn’t mean you think the match is off. Be clear that you want to revisit this potential relationship in a month or two, after your circumstances have changed.
Things are one-sided. A one-sided relationship has potential to grow. If someone likes you more than you like them, or vice versa, the interested party needs to gently nudge the relationship forward and try to build the connection. At some point, after you’ve both tried to grow the relationship, it will be time to decide if there is enough to continue or if you need to move on. If you wish you liked the person as much as they like you but you don’t (and you’ve tried), then it’s time to move on. If you’re still not sure, I suggest you keep dating until you feel more clear that it’s a firm no. Remember, no means that you’re not going to look back and regret this decision.
You can’t accept certain things about the person. One of the most challenging relationships to walk away from is when you like some things about the person you’re seeing, but there are some things that you just can’t accept. If there are things that you can’t or won’t accept about a person, those are deal breakers. You may be afraid that you won’t find the same positive character traits and qualities in someone else. This may prevent you from breaking up. However, if you are unwilling to take the good with the not so good, then you need to be honest with yourself and end the relationship. Staying with someone but not accepting the entirety of the person creates false hope that this relationship could work. It’s not fair to either one of you. Try to work on accepting the person fully. If you can’t, break up and have faith that someone better suited will come your way.
Your family or friends met the person and they have some real concerns. All your friends and family do not have to like the person you’re dating. But if a majority of them have some serious concerns, it’s time to objectively examine and consider what they are saying. Are they concerned that the person you’re dating is controlling or manipulative? Do they fear you are losing yourself or that you are acting differently since you started the relationship? Do they think someone is taking advantage of you? Evaluate their points and decide if they’re valid and start watching out for the red flags in your relationship. Give yourself enough time to evaluate the other person and this relationship, and then make the decision to either have confidence in your relationship or break it off.
And in the words of Kenny Rogers, may you know when to walk away and know when to run!
Relationship Red Flags: It's Time To Say "Goodbye". Relationships aren't a walk in the park, and neither is knowing when to walk away.