Mar 12, 2019 You've lost your best friend, your lover. The one I spent two months without the love of my life and my family. .. Find that person for yourself.
We had not seen each other or spoken for more than a quarter of a century, yet meeting you again has thrown me into an emotional turmoil.
When I saw you last month at our college reunion, I was too terrified to make the first move and to speak to you – I had been so horrid to you all those years ago. We had fallen in love, were so happy, and then suddenly I had told you we should break up because we were "from different worlds" and we could have no future. I broke your heart, and perhaps I also broke mine. But I ignored the hurt, felt guilty and hid the memories away at the back of my mind.
But now, back on the same campus where we met, you made the effort: you came up to me, we talked, I met your wife, you met my husband. I was so happy to talk to you again, you were always so special. And you had done all the things you had wanted to. I was so happy things had turned out well for you and you had such a lovely family. But I was completely unprepared for how seeing you again has affected me. I cannot stop thinking of you. I long for you. I want to talk to you for long hours, I want to feel the touch of your hand. I want to talk about what we had and what we felt, and what happened to us.
I emailed you to thank you for making the first move and to tell you how wonderful it had been to meet your family. You replied saying much the same thing. And so now we can be in touch if we want to, but we probably both realise this would be a bad idea. Yet I long for some word, some link. I keep checking my email to see if you might have written. I want to be able to exchange thoughts with you, share news, make jokes.
I am a very lucky woman – I have wonderful children and a husband who is desirable and affectionate and a terrific human being. So I am very confused by how seeing you has unsettled me so much. Is it because I have the memory of our love and euphoria, or is it just because we will always have a special connection of heart and soul? Is it just plain self-indulgence, or is it a midlife crisis?
I will probably never know how our meeting affected you. For your sake, I hope the reaction was insignificant and that you do not suffer as I suffer now. But at the same time, part of me wishes that I remain as special to you as you are to me.
Should we be penpals and email each other from our "different worlds"? Or should we be as strangers once more? I am terribly confused by how meeting somebody after 26 years can stir up such powerful emotions and such a quiet sorrow. I think of you so much, I long to talk to you. This is like some sort of sickness eating away at me and I know I must make an effort, pull myself together and put the memories away again.
You are one of the brightest and kindest people I have ever met and I will always wish you well. And for this reason, I think I should make sure that I stay out of your life.
I loved you so much, I'm sorry I broke your heart. I'm here for you – and your family – if ever you need me.
My lovely boy, my lost love. Anonymous
A site to recover missed connections.
Ever wonder what it would be like to reunite with your first love? Have you spent years thinking and wondering about the one that got away?
The television station, FYI recently premiered its new Docuseries “Find My First Love” hosted by the fun and witty Cherry Healey. Cherry seeks out to help individuals find their lost loves, whether it’s to pick back up where they left off or give them the closure they need to move on. This show is well documented and inspires viewers to take a chance on love.
The first episode followed Alicia, an American woman who studied abroad in France and fell for a French classmate, Benjamin. The last time she saw him was 8 years ago and even after all that time, Benjamin was still on her mind and had a very special place in her heart. Alicia’s journey lead her to traveling throughout France, hanging posters with Benjamin’s face on it, and taking a chance to share her story on the radio! As a viewer you can see the passion Alicia shares for Benjamin and the hope she carries to find him. As a viewer you find yourself rooting for Alicia to find Ben and to have that storybook romance ending. While in Paris, Cherry receives a phone call from Ben and they plan a meeting for him and Alicia at the Pont de l’Archevêché. Benjamin turns around, wraps his arms around Alicia, pulls her close and tells her he is so happy. This was a picture perfect movie moment!
Photo Credit: Franck Scuotto Photography
Recently I had the chance to sit and chat with Alicia about her experience on the show and finding Benjamin again. She even shared some pictures with us of her and Ben. She is a kind, adventurous, and inspiring person. This journey was perfect for Alicia who is a risk taker. While living between DC and New York she came across an ad on craigslist for a Docuseries on Long Lost Love and it instantly sparked her memories of Benjamin. A few months after submitting for the show, she was chosen, and the adventure began! A year later, and the two are still together.
upfrontNY: After being selected for “Find My First Love” what was it like getting the call that you were going to have the chance to possibly reconnect with Benjamin?
Alicia: I was excited. I was also nervous. It is one thing when your in talks about doing it and it sounds like a fun idea but when it was actually happening I was a bit more nervous. For the most part I was really excited and in disbelief.
upfrontNY: You hadn’t seen Benjamin in 8 years. When dating other guys did you find yourself comparing other guys you dated to him?
Alicia: Ben and I had a crazy passionate relationship, not only physically, but we had a real intellectual connection and emotional connection. I was in one serious relationship after that and then dated for fun casually in DC and was always looking for that. I remember that connection I had with Ben and was always looking for that same connection.
upfrontNY: What was it like having Cherry help you find him?
Alicia: It was really nice. It was like having a best friend there to support you through the ups and downs of the journey. It was nice to have Cherry cheer me on and steer me in the right direction and lend a hand. She added some humor to it and she was the one who came up with the crazy ideas of hanging up the wanted posters and going on the radio.
upfrontNY: When you were in Paris and she told you that you were going to meet him on the bridge, did you have any idea it would turn out the way it did?
Alicia: No not at all. I had a hunch he would be happy to see me. We had periods where we were just friends but always had a strong connection between us and there was always a physical spark. I expected he would be happy to see me. I expected a giant hug and lots of catch up questions, the way you would with a good friend, but I was completely taken a back by how touched he was that I came to look for him, how he was ready to start a life together. That moment when he took me into his arms and kissed me, my mind was going in a million directions and I didn’t know what to make of it. A part of me was thinking is this just for the cameras? Is this real? Are we going to make this work? He was serious and I was blown away. I was so happy. I wasn’t expecting that at all.
upfrontNY: You can tell he was serious, as soon as he turned around with this big smile saying I am so happy. Your heart must have exploded and here is the beginning of something completely new.
Alicia: Completely! It was surreal and that is the only way to describe it. It is surreal butterflies. It’s crazy all these years later and those butterflies come rushing back. It felt new and exciting, yet farmilar at the same timing.
upfrontNY:Are you living in France full time now?
Alicia: Yup! Right now we are in the Champagne region. We got an apartment in Reims. We are now looking at moving to either Paris or back to DC, or maybe New York in the Fall.
upfrontNY:How long after you came back to the States did you go back to France and move in with him?
Alicia: 2 weeks, I came back and I told everybody that it worked out. Everybody was nervous but excited and supportive. I had just enough time to go back and pack my bags.
upfrontNY: I am so happy that things worked out so well! It makes people feel like you never know what’s going to happen!
Alicia: It is a beautiful lesson that someone else can be feeling the same way but may not have the courage to take the first step. The worse thing that came happen is when two people are feeling the same about each other and there is something to be explored but both are afraid to take the first step.
upfrontNY: You had this amazing experience that worked out so well. What advice do you give to others who want to go after the one that got away? Either someone they lost touch with or the one they talk to randomly throughout the years but don’t know how to go about it?
Alicia: Every case is so different and you have to trust your gut and your intuition on what that person’s reaction would be and if that would be the right person to go after. I felt relatively confident in taking that risk because I knew it would be something that would make Ben smile and we would be happy to find each other as friends. It can be impossible to keep your expectations low but at the time I went to find him I was happy being single. I was happy with my life and was at the point in my life I was my best self. I knew if it didn’t work out he would see how happy and confident I was with myself. I think it is important to be confident and happy with yourself and that person be an added bonus if it works out well. Be vulnerable and ready for all the outcomes. I think risks are worth taking!
Filed Under: Entertainment and Celebrities, Featured, InterviewsTagged With: alicia and benjamin, find my first love, france, fyi, love, paris, television
I AM having amazing sex with a guy I met up with again after nearly 15 years.
He says we are a couple but cannot risk his wife finding out.
I am 33.
I originally met this guy when I was in my teens.
He was my first proper love and I thought he was great, but I broke up with him after six months when a smooth-talking man in his twenties chatted me up and I was stupid enough to fall for it.
It didn’t last long but my first love had moved on by then and we had no contact for more than ten years.
In that time I’ve been married and divorced but I’ve never met anyone as good as my first love.
A couple of years ago I decided to look for him on Facebook and we decided to meet up.
As soon as I saw him, I realised how much I still loved him.
He suggested we spend the rest of the evening in a hotel and I happily agreed.
It was wonderful.
He is 34 now but has lost none of his old charm and is a better lover than ever.
Then we talked some more and I discovered he’s married with kids but separated.
We’ve continued to see one another.
He buys me expensive presents and says he wishes he could be married to me.
He even bought me a ring and asked me to wear it on my engagement finger — but it clearly did not mean we are engaged.
It all seems very one-sided.
We see one another whenever he wants and he is jealous of me being friends with my ex.
We cannot be a normal couple as he says he does not want his wife to find out about us.
I sometimes feel there is more to it than he is saying.
I even wonder if he is still living with her as he has never invited me to his place, saying mine is so much nicer.
When I talk to him about it, he says it’s about financial considerations and he will explain more when the time is right.
I really love this man, but am I wasting my time?
DEIDRE SAYS: You could be.
It is time you insisted on being put fully in the picture.
He has the best of both worlds while you hold on, hoping things will change and he will make some sort of commitment to you.
Try asking if you could meet his children, just on a friendly basis, going somewhere they would enjoy.
You could be introduced as a friend and perhaps take another friend with you.
If he refuses point-blank, you will have further evidence that you are being tucked away in a corner of his life.
Then you have to decide how long you can bear this situation to continue.
If his company and the intimacy you share is wonderful, you may want to keep him in your life.
But be aware that this is stopping you meeting someone who is free to be a full-time partner.
Got a problem? Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter @deardeidre or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
MY friend keeps going on about wanting his life to end and it brings me down, especially as I also suffered from depression in the past.
I am 28, my friend is 32 and we’re both gay.
He says the one thing he really wants is to find a man to marry.
We sometimes have sex but he said he had feelings for me, so I told him we can only be friends.
After I said that he fell for a couple of guys but it didn’t last.
He is lonely.
He lives in a bedsit and his family are all abroad.
He once took an overdose because of a relationship split but he came through.
I want to help him but I am training for promotion at work and need to concentrate on that.
DEIDRE SAYS: Stop having sex with this friend.
You are giving him hope you could be a couple and you risk infection if he is having sex with other men.
Tell him he must get proper support.
He should ask his doctor for a referral or he can get in touch with one of the organisations listed in my e-leaflet on Gay Resources.
Suggest you take up running, cycling or swimming together.
Exercise is great medicine for depression.
THREE in five couples are not fully satisfied with their sexual relationship. Often it is down to lazy habits rather than any specific problem. My e-leaflet How To Have Great Sex is a guide to help beginners and those in need of a sexual MOT. Email me at [email protected] for your copy.
MY 22-year-old son is in so much debt it is putting a strain on my relationship with my new wife.
He is my only child and he still lives at home.
His mother and I divorced and I remarried a year ago.
We got him out of debt and he paid the money back but now he is in debt again.
He lives rent-free with us and can’t afford to contribute to the housekeeping.
When I try to talk to him about it all, he goes mad and this upsets my wife.
We have little enough time together as it is.
She wants me to give my son a deadline to sort himself out and move out.
I do not feel I can do that.
His job does not pay well and I worry about him becoming homeless.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your son is flying off the handle because he feels defensive, but reassure him that he got himself out of debt before and he can do it again.
Tell him (and your wife) that you know this is not the ideal living situation.
As soon as he is straight financially, you can look to find him a flat-share.
Get in touch with The Mix (themix.org.uk, 0808 808 4994), who help support under-25s.
My boyfriend’s drinking is putting a huge strain on our relationship
WE are head-over-heels in love but my boyfriend’s drinking is putting a huge strain on our relationship.
He promises to stop but nothing ever changes.
I am 25, he’s 26 and we have been together for four years.
When he’s not had a drink he is a sweet guy.
But when we go out we always end up arguing.
He can’t just enjoy a few pints and come home.
He has to end up drunk.
I have no doubt he loves me but I feel like we are on an emotional merry-go-round.
Sometimes I just want to jump off.
How can I persuade him to change?
DEIDRE SAYS: You can’t change him – he must want to quit for himself.
Spell out the crisis alcohol is creating.
Start to focus on your needs and refuse to dance his dance any longer.
Tell him there is no chance of a happy future together unless he quits.
My e-leaflet Dealing With A Problem Drinker? explains more.
I feel guilty when I try to have sex with my wife in my sleep
I HAVE a high sex drive and sometimes try to have sex with my wife while I am asleep.
We are 49 and 50.
We cannot have sex together any more because she has kidney cancer.
It is not likely she will get better.
The problem is I still want sex with her.
I feel guilty about it – when I try to have sex with her in my sleep, I have no idea I am doing it .
She finds it very distressing, gets angry and says I am disregarding her illness.
I am left feeling like a sex maniac.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife must feel so frightened.
You can both find understanding through Macmillan Cancer Support (macmillan.org.uk, 0808 808 0000).
Tell your wife you love her and give her lots of cuddles.
Say the last thing you want is to upset her, and put pillows or cushions down the middle of the bed.
You could ease your frustration by yourself to stop acting on your urges.
Email me here, private message me on Facebook, or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
You can also follow me on Twitter @deardeidre.
A site to recover missed connections.
A spell to teleport oneself to a lost loved one
A circle of candles
To Find a Lost Love is a spell written in the WarrenBook of Shadows. It allows witches to astrally project themselves to a lost loved one. To bring themselves back they have to cast the reversal spell, though it can also be cast others.
When the Charmed Ones vanquished Cole Turner when he was the Source of All Evil, his soul became stuck in the Demonic Wasteland and kept reaching out to his love Phoebe for help.
When the Charmed Ones were visited by an Angel of Destiny, they were given the chance to become mortal as a reward for fulfilling their destiny. However, Phoebe could not accept the offer before she had closed the chapter on Cole. With help from her sisters, she used this spell to astral project to the Wasteland to contact him. However, once there she was attacked by the beast that lured there and she was brought back by her sisters with the reversal spell.
Phoebe later projected to the Wasteland again in order to tell Cole that their love wasn't enough and that they both needed to move on.
I am looking for my lost love, please help!!! (places Zaba search is an excellent way of finding people. I am also looking for a lost love.