Most of the participants fell in love with funny people who have "I knew I was in love when I would catch myself watching him watch the movie.
Some say falling in love is the closest we mortals have to magic.
There's no explanation for it, no rationale for it. The idea that two human beings can confidently swear themselves to each other forever is so implausible that we can only chalk it up to other-worldly forces making it possible.
Some say falling in love is just biological, that it's what happens when clusters of pheromones collide and randomly, by the graces of science, connect two people together.
No matter where you land on the romantic/cynic spectrum, it's hard to put love into words, to pinpoint exactly what it feels like when your and your partner's heart and soul and body and mind are all in perfect agreement with each other.
But that sure as hell hasn't stopped us from trying.
Last week, in my own personal attempt to do so, I asked people to describe the exact moment they knew they were in love with their partners. The responses were uplifting, hilarious and gave us all a little hope that real, true love is out there.
Now, I've asked people to describe the qualities their partners had that made them fall in love. And the responses were just as inspiring.
Her empathy and patience. She's incredibly sweet and understanding of so much. I also loved how we ying-yanged each other in a lot of ways (me being spontaneous and pretty ridiculous, and her being a planner and a bit more conservative).
-- Tommy, 26
I'm pretty reserved -- never the center of attention -- and he is the exact opposite of me. He's so outgoing. Since high school, he was always the leader of his group. He always wants to be doing what no one else is doing, and he always seems so confident. I'm normally pretty good at playing the whole "hard to get" act, but he made it seem like getting his attention was the challenge, which was never the case with other boys I dated; he was the first person to challenge me.
-- Leah, 21
Control, stability, serenity -- everything I am not. I think it is important for relationships to have a sense of balance. Otherwise, I feel competitive toward my own partner. When I look back on my true love, which was, indeed, my first, it worked because he was my opposite. I am a loud, over-the-top kind of guy. I look for someone who takes me down a notch.
-- Jimmy, 27
He makes me silly. I tend to be a pretty tight-laced person with a sarcastic sense of humor, not goofy by any means. But he never fails to make me laugh and make me feel incredibly loved. He is the kindest man I have ever met, and every day I feel amazingly lucky.
-- Maggie, 22
I fell in love with his sense of humor, willingness to take on any challenge, kindness and intelligence. His viewpoint is always different than my own, so I'm always learning.
-- Alex*, 23
For me, it wasn't about the qualities my partner had. It was just the visceral feeling gradually increasing after spending more time together. I could list qualities of my partner that I like, but they didn't make me fall in love with her. The totality of "her" (which I guess you could say is all of her qualities combined) was what I fell in love with.
-- Blake, 34
It's hard to describe certain "qualities." We were best friends before we had started dating. He made me want to be a better person, a better me. I really was my best self whenever I was with him. Though it didn't end the way I wanted it to, he will always have a special place in my heart.
-- Jackie, 20
He was charming and funny. The kind of guy everyone wanted to be around, but all he wanted to do was be with me. I loved the way he looked at me, like I was the only thing that mattered. Even in the middle of a crowded room, he would always look for me.
-- Harrie, 24
Depth, sense of humor, quirkiness.
-- Marissa*, 22
He was extremely funny. Our sense of humor was the same. And he was thoughtful, very sweet. We just clicked.
-- Lola*, 23
I like that he was patient with me and could constantly keep me entertained by his interesting commentary and humor.
-- Kelley, 24
A good sense of humor, yet knowing when to be there for you when something serious happens. Oh, and a smile that you continuously wish to see on her face.
-- Jordy, 23
I think one of the biggest things is that he's incredibly goofy, and he doesn't hide it. He also loves to learn and is always reading the news or a book to find new things to store in his ridiculously impressive memory.
-- Emily, 22
He's hysterical. When I'm crying, he makes me laugh with just one word. He's never afraid to try new things and is the most outgoing person I've ever met. He doesn't care what anyone thinks, and he's always there when I need him. I can feel that he loves and cares about me every single day.
-- Danielle*, 21
Knowing that he could take a joke and the relentless barrage of horrific insults that I consider flirting. He's cute and he smiles and he is nurturing.
-- Nina*, 26
Sense of humor, loyalty, innocence.
-- Brie*, 21
I love that he is smart (science nerd), incredibly artistic muscially. He is also extremely driven, and that's a big deal for me because I need someone who will grow WITH me and not someone I'll leave in the dust.
-- Felicia*, 24.
He's sweet, caring, super funny, and his ice-blue eyes literally make me melt. He's also extremely driven. He wants to succeed at achieving his personal goals and also motivates me to complete mine. We are the ultimate power couple.
-- Tina, 23
Brandon is very loving and genuine. It is crazy to me that he almost knows me better than I know myself. I don't even have to say anything, and he knows exactly how I am feeling at any given time. He is also extremely self-motivated and driven. It is a turn-on to me knowing he is always trying to better himself now to create his future success. I love that by doing that, he is also able to motivate me to want to better myself as well.
-- Rachel, 21
She's loyal, unconditionally loving, puts everyone else's needs before her own. She's not the type of person to order a salad and only have two bites of it. She's just the most selfless person I know. Oh, and she rips some danky mean farts.
-- Chris, 26
Because his ultimate goal was to make me happy.
Wildly opinionated, super attractive, hyper-confident, strong and secure.
-- Zara, 29
Loyal. Dependable. Funny. Planner. Caring. Strong, both emotionally and physically. Unflappable. Protective.
-- Blair, 28
He has a big heart without being sensitive. He's incredibly intelligent, but knows just the right amount to goon out. But above all, getting him mad is close to impossible. I definitely have my sassy side, so being with someone who holds his cool no matter the situation is the most attractive quality I've ever experienced with another human.
-- Joana, 25
He is beyond dedicated. He's such a "manly man," but seeing him breakdown his walls and be soft with me -- it's amazing.
-- Mac, 20
Patient, loving, gentle, kind, a willingness to be open to me and a willingness to be vulnerable.
-- Camille, 23
His dedication to doing what he loved, his lightheartedness and ability to see the good in life even in the worst situations and, of course, his passion in between the sheets
-- Sheena, 25
Responsible, smart, generous, sweet, kind, handsome.
-- Eduardo, 27
His harsh honesty, his huge butt, his laugh, his kindness, and his love.
-- Theresa, 20
Passionate, our physical chemistry, stubborn, blunt, tender, didn't put up with my bullsh*t, challenged me, scared me (in a good way, like made my stomach flip), saw me, deep, intense, serious, imperfect, charming, argumentative, protective, loyal.
-- Noa*, 25
She was very sexy, really energetic, enthusiastic and very sharp.
-- Sandy*, 19
She is everything. She redefined the qualities I looked for in women. She is one in a million. She is caring, smart, open, mature, motherly, cultured, lovely.
-- Aristotle, 20
*Name has been changed.
If You Start Falling In Love With Him, DON'T DO THIS How do you flirt, keep him interested and show him the engaging parts of your.
Harry and Sally. Ross and Rachel. Dawson and Joey. Sam and Diane. Cher and Josh. Monica and Chandler. Robin and Barney. Etcetera. Etcetera. Etcetera.
Few love stories appeal to me so much as do those centered around best friends-turned-lovers. In my cynical mind, something about the level of intimacy, of authenticity, that exists in friendship makes love feel less hormonal/doomed when it blooms between them than when it does between strangers. Harry and Sally knew each other, really knew each other, before they fell in love. All the warts were on display and yet they still chose to be together. That’s the kind of relationship origin story I have always craved, especially as an introvert, and it’s become ever more appealing in the era of smoke-and-mirrors internet dating.
The stage was well set for me to get this, my version of a fairy tale, back in college. After my older boyfriend moved to Japan post-graduation, his friends adopted me into their circle. One in particular became my bestie, acting as a big brother figure of sorts as I finished college. We partied together, served as each other’s wingmen as well as plus ones, supported each other through tough moments, and shared friends and family with one another until our lives were very much intertwined. It was lovely, but it wasn’t love.
When I fell in love with my best friend, it hit me like a ton of bricks—suddenly.
Until, one day, it was. For me, at least. When I fell in love with my best friend, it hit me like a ton of bricks—suddenly. I absolutely pined for the guy, even though he was right next to me, and I wanted our non-sexual sleepovers to become R-rated, stat. When at last one did, I thought it was the beginning of something new. So I told him I loved him, with certainty and flourish, as one would see done in a movie. I was confident he felt it, too, so I had no trouble walking out onto a limb with heart in my hand.
Unfortunately, he did not. Feel it too, that is. In fact, he flat out said he did not love me, at least not romantically.
I was so heartbroken by this news (and, embarrassed) that I moved from Los Angeles to New York pretty much immediately. He then got a roommate, became good friends with her, and eventually told her he loved her. They got married. I got a drinking problem. I can still remember exactly where I was standing when our shared best girl friend called to tell me he was engaged, the way people recall every detail of the moment JFK was shot. It was that traumatic.
He was the only person I’d ever wanted to marry, and I was certain that meant he was the one I would marry.
A few years later, however, he was back on the market nursing his own broken heart. Our friendship rekindled and we once again became party partners and wingmen, even though I was hardcore faking romantic disinterest. He was the only person I’d ever wanted to marry, and I was certain that meant he was the one I would marry. The first wife had just been a thing he had to go through to get back to me.
So, one Thanksgiving of many spent with his family, I went out on a limb again. I held up a proverbial boombox at exactly the point in the third act of the movie where the pursuer gets the pursued. It was our time, at last!
My romantic declaration was met with something akin, in my mind, to horror, and deflected with a speech about how I deserved to be with someone who loved me the way I loved them. Humiliating reassurances that “he was out there” were lobbed in my direction.
I didn’t understand. We were perfect for each other. We could be ourselves together. We’d shared a decade’s worth of experiences both good and bad. Our social circles had blended into one. The wedding I’d planned in my mind for the last 10 years would’ve been magical, the natural conclusion everyone in our lives had been waiting for. Except, apparently, for him.
This time, our friendship ended. In fact, that was the last time I spoke to him until recently. On a hike, I ran into him, his new wife, and their new baby. If you’re thinking, “Phew, this must be the point at which her dignity finally takes the wheel,” you’d be right. And wrong. I no longer feel the way I once did, but every so often I think about the time I joked, before he’d ever been married, that I was certain I’d be his third wife. Fingers crossed? Just kidding—but only if you want me to be.
I wish this story had an ending more like a fairy tale,” i.e., I got the guy. Or better yet, that at some point he’d realized his mistake and come back and gotten me. Still, I don’t regret following my heart and going for it, despite a rejection some might consider embarrassing. After all, I say this to my friends often as it’s necessary reminder in the too-cool-for-school Los Angeles singles scene: There’s nothing embarrassing about loving someone. And while he wasn’t the love of my life, I know he was right—my love is out there, and I do deserve him to feel the way about me that I feel about him.
There’s nothing embarrassing about loving someone.
In the aftermath of all this heartbreak, I did decide to stop trying to turn a friendship into an epic love story and am now looking for a love story to turn into an epic friendship instead. Life isn’t a movie, after all, and just because something would make for perfect plotting doesn’t mean it’s the real deal.
With that said, I will definitely be the first person to show up at my ex-bestie’s wife’s funeral in 50 years. Just kidding—but only if you want me to be.
Speaking of “meant to be,” here’s what happened when one writer chose dates based on zodiac compatibility alone. Plus, can hypnotism cure heartbreak? Another writer finds out. (Does it work on romantic delusions? Asking for a friend.)
"Met a girl at university in March 2011, we hit it off really well and eventually decide to make things exclusive. We were both dumb 18 year olds, but something really, really felt connected about us and we had already said 'I love you' in April (one month in — I know, stupid). Anyways, we live about an hour apart when we're on summer holidays, but having never done long distance it seems really far away and we're both nervous about how things between us will change only seeing each other about once a week for four months right at the beginning of the relationship.
"Anyways, school ends, we both go home to our respective parents' house, and make plans to see each other at my girlfriend's house after about 10 days. She lives right in Toronto whereas I lived on the outskirts, so I take the train into the city and to meet her right downtown. We're trying to find each other on the crowded street (I didn't really know the city at that time so I was kind of going in circles looking for her).
"Eventually, I spot her on a busy street corner looking around, but she hasn't seen me yet. Something just came over me and I realized how happy I was, how happy she made me, and how much I really cared about her. I don't know why but for some reason seeing her then for the first time away from school really made it click for me. Just had our four year anniversary last week and I feel the same as I did that day." - Redditor richandbrilliant
I knew if I had to choose, I'd always pick him. It was that feeling true in real time. Falling in love with someone only for it not to be reciprocated.
Falling in love is something most of us yearn for. We want to fall in love with someone that motivates us and makes our walk through life much happier. I know sometimes it can be difficult, especially if you find yourself facing challenges in the love department. But don’t worry because, in this article, I am going to walk you through what makes him fall in love with a woman!
Love can sometimes be an addictive emotion. We often hold onto something that isn’t right for us and might be gasping for air without actually knowing what we truly love that partner for. The result is that a woman will be left chasing a guy, desperately trying to make him fall in love. There are so many different situations when it comes to love, so regardless of whether you are single or not, I am going to break down the best ways to make a man fall deeply in love with you.
So, before we begin let me take a moment to talk about the notion of “making” a man fall in love. You cannot make a person do or feel something. It will just end up being unattainable and leave you feeling like you’re constantly trying to chase satisfaction. With that said, we will discuss how to make a man fall in love with you naturally, without forcing anything that is not meant to be. Sometimes men do need that little extra push and you’re going to learn all about it a little further down in this article!
As always, I love hearing from you. Please feel free to comment below or ask questions about anything you may be going through, and it would be my pleasure to personally respond to you!
There are various qualities that men look for in potential partners, but as we get started I want to share the most important piece of advice: If you want to make him fall in love with you, you have to be yourself no matter what. Show up as the best person you can be for yourself and also for him. Faking a personality and trying to be someone you are not will only cause issues. Things will fade away quickly and what’s worse, this will also build a wall between you and the man in question. Men can feel when you aren’t being truthful in situations. They might not be able to tune into it as well as women can, but they do know when something is off.
So often when working with my male clients I hear a recurring complaint about women they’re seeing. It’s that women don’t smile often. When women don’t smile, it turns men off and makes them feel less inclined to want to move forward. Similarly, they don’t appreciate the attitude. A man does not want to be with a woman long term if she comes off spiteful, manipulative, or has a bad attitude. Men want to have a woman that has standards and is still pleasant to talk to and spend time with. This means that they want someone who is respectful and treats him the way she wants to be treated. By spreading loving energy, you will attract more love.
Trying to be someone you’re not is going to backfire on you one way or another. It just isn’t something you can maintain long-term. Typically, when you are playing a role, it comes from an insecurity that you may need to face. When you start to honor who you are and be honest with yourself, you can find power in powerless situations.
A lot of times I see women not being clear or honest about what they’re looking for. You might find yourself dating a man who doesn’t put in much effort to keep you around, but it’s simply because he already had his cake and got to eat it too… You never set the standard and you weren’t upfront with him about what you are exactly looking for. If you tell a man that you’re looking for a real relationship – not something casual – and he decides to walk away, then he isn’t worth it after all. That said, he may actually come back when he sees that you don’t give in and hold yourself to a standard.
There is a fine line between being attractively confident and being over-confident and off-putting. You never want to come off as someone conceited, especially when you want to know how to get him to fall in love. Men love a confident woman because it amps up their desire to figure you out. It shows that they can be confident in you because you value yourself, you know yourself well, and you take pride in setting the standards. Now, a lot of times you might find yourself settling or knowing in the pit of your stomach you shouldn’t let this happen, but you lower your standards in the hopes that this man will like you. There is something highly attractive about a woman that doesn’t give in too easily and sets a healthy standard. The thing about men is that they want to feel as though they have a prize and have won the best there is out there. The harder someone had to work for something, the more they are going to value it. So, the harder he has to work to get you, the more he’s going to value you! It’s human nature. It’s something that not only sets you apart, it is also a great way to show much much you value yourself.
I know every couple has its different opinions about sex. I always think it’s safer and more meaningful when you wait, especially if you like this man and want a relationship in the future with him. Here is where I ask you to take a moment and identify how sex plays a role in your life. If casual sex with someone can lead to feelings, then casual sex isn’t the thing for you. It’s important that you hold out until you are ready and until you find a man that is willing to wait until you both decide to make the next step. The reason I say this is because it makes things less difficult when you are dating and it adds value to the relationship. It shows that the both of you have values and goals that are aligned, and gives the man an opportunity to show you respect and patience. Yes, some might say that sex early on makes no difference, but think of this as how you will feel at the end. Just let him know you want to take your time and you are looking forward to the moment it happens.
Having your own life and your own thing going on is very important. Men love a woman that has a passion and something they invest their time in. It’s important that you set this standard with a man so he doesn’t get into the habit of planning things last minute. I know you would sometimes rather be with him than commit to the plans you already have with your girlfriends, but don’t cancel plans all the time to be available for him. Sometimes “No, I have plans, but can we do it tomorrow” is the best option! It shows a man that you are content with what you have going on and also gives him less of an opportunity to take you for granted.
Men love to be told that they look good, are smart, ambitious, or that they are doing a great job. So often men are confused about where a woman may stand and they want to see that you are supporting them beyond any superficial matter. So, complimenting him and giving him a reason or two as to why he is so special to you is a beautiful thing. In order to give this a personal touch, I would suggest about something that he has going on in his life that he has accomplished.
One of the best ways to make a man fall in love with you is to open his eyes to what you could be to him. He will recognize the beauty of a woman that does things for him that have no personal benefit to her. When you have conversations with this man, pay attention to things that are important to him and think about how you can incorporate these things into your gestures. Thoughtful gestures and going out of your way to help him out can make a big impact. It shows him that you care and also builds the bond of partnership between you.
So often I hear that men just want to be heard. They complain that they are always listening and the woman is always talking. It’s important that you establish a mutual balance in conversation and questioning when you are dating a man and want to make him fall in love with you. Don’t make it all about you! Be open and make sure that you make him feel like he is being heard as well. When you feel like you are oversharing just take a moment to pause, take a step back and let him speak. Ask him questions about his life and his passions as well.
Show him that you can be trusted by speaking positively about others and not sharing absolutely everything about your best friend… You don’t want him to begin to wonder about all the things you tell your best friend about him!
There is no magic wand you can wave to get a man to fall head over heels in love with you. You want a man to fall in love with you because you are showing up as your authentic self. Love has ways of making everyone feel better and happier and can last forever. That’s why it’s so important that you weed out the relationships that might temporarily feel good, and hold yourself to a standard that you know is right. When you feel it in your heart, there are no delusions or games when it comes to the man you love. Listen, if you’re chasing a man right now that isn’t treating you right, I know you know. You have that feeling in your stomach. This is the time to walk away or set up boundaries and standards in order to give him the chance to step up and be the man you need him to be.
I say this because not every relationship is perfect and I know things happen in relationships that can cause confusion, heartache, and mixed feelings. The only person you have from the beginning till the end is you. So, do yourself a favor and don’t give up on what you truly deserve and what you want in a man. When you have this mentality, the current man you have in your life now will either step it up or move on out, but let me be very clear of one thing: There will be another man that comes along to take his place. It’s up to you to set the right boundaries, expectations, and to always abide by your values. I remember when I was in my early 20’s I was in this horrible relationship. Let’s just put it this way – the man had no respect for me and I gave him all of me. At that moment I had no values or self-worth. I never held myself accountable because I didn’t know what good love looked like.
So, I fell madly in love with him, did everything in my power to get him to fall in love, and continued to chase after what my heart wanted despite the fact that it wasn’t good for me. Finally, we broke up and I, of course, was heartbroken. Right after, I went out with some girlfriends and one of them says this to me: “One man’s trash is another one’s treasure.”
I hated it so much and became furious with her for calling me trash! It made my night even worse but now, years later, I finally understand what that meant. Metaphorically speaking, you can identify to “trash” simply because you have been thrown away but in reality, these relationships and experiences become lessons. Just because one man decided he didn’t want you doesn’t mean you will never experience a greater love. You will, and you will be another man’s treasure! You will know when you are treated right because your needs will be met and you will feel that sense of security.
I truly do feel that no matter what relationship you fall into and no matter what man you date, you will always be tested. A man is always going to test how much he can get away with just like a woman would too. I say this because I want to reiterate the importance of holding yourself to a standard. If something doesn’t sit well with you about something he did, the way you two communicate about it is how a man decides if he can be with you. Having an open policy of communication and making sure it’s reciprocated is important to a man and a woman. Also, showing that you value and respect him is huge! So, raising your voice or subjecting him to insults isn’t something that sits well with a man. This is something that will not only bruise his ego, it will also show that there may be some instabilities that arise with you. Generally speaking, when this happens a man might not break up with you right away, but he will begin to feel less enthusiastic about the relationship. You will eventually begin to feel him drift away until he bows out.
When you’re in a relationship, it’s vital that you don’t dump on all your insecurities on him. If you had an ex-boyfriend that cheated on you, it doesn’t mean that this boyfriend is going to cheat on you as well. He doesn’t deserve to be penalized because of what someone else did to you in the past. Being able to define whether an issue you bring to him is coming from an insecurity or if it’s coming from something that truly was developed between you and him is key. When a woman is able to take her time and pinpoint where this problem is coming from, the man can see that she is mature and can be a balanced partner.
It also subconsciously gives him the opportunity to continue to be open and show up as the best version of himself that he can be! How many times do you hear men saying that they can’t tell their girlfriend something because she will get mad? When a man is being honest with you, try not to take offense to it. Just breathe and be thankful that he is coming from a place of honesty. Detach yourself from the expectation you had and bring light and love to this situation. The moment you do this is, you will begin to grow as a couple.
I know these times can be incredibly difficult because you’re left heartbroken and you just can’t seem to get a grasp of what to do now that the person you love has left you. Experiencing a breakup can be hard and it becomes easy to feel like the victim. You might catch yourself saying something like, “How can he leave me if he loved me?” This is a victim frame of mind that also allows you to deflect any blame in terms of why things went wrong. Remember, there are two people in a relationship and if things ended, there are lessons to be learned for the future for both of you.
When you continue to focus on what someone else did it subconsciously makes you feel better. It’s often a coping mechanism that ultimately preserves hate and mistrust within you. Being in a relationship does not mean that you own the other person. It means that the both of you have a mutual understanding of what love is and continue to put in the work when it’s needed. You don’t take this for granted. Typically, your man will want out when you take it for granted or take yourself for granted.
Everyone has a right to leave you even if they loved you at one point. Love isn’t always strong enough to make things work if it’s not working for your partner in the first place. The only thing we can manage in life is ourselves and our own happiness. So, letting go of the victim mentality is going to be the first step before anything else. The moment you take a look at this relationship from someone else’s perspective, you will see at which point you may not have shown up as the best person you could in this relationship. This doesn’t mean that you can’t get back with the one you love! It simply means that you are going to have to do the work to get them back and this will always be through actions.
It’s natural for most of us to beg to get the person we love back into our lives. Saying, “I love you” isn’t enough at this point. Stop apologizing because it’s only going to remind them of the mistakes you’ve made in the first place. Start to focus on things that you may have lost touch with the relationship like friends and your hobbies, or even begin to volunteer somewhere. Work out and become active so that every day you can have a fresh start and an open mind towards developing yourself into a better woman than you were yesterday. At some point, your ex may come back and this is exactly when you showcase what you’ve learned. Show him confidence and the change you have incorporated into your life through actions, social media, and conversation.
If I could magically make everyone happy with a blink of an eye I would! Love is such a beautiful thing when you have the right partner. But then I think, if I was able to deliver love to everyone with a blink of an eye then it would get boring and people would take it for granted. Everything great in life requires work. When we work for things we learn, but we also find value in the lessons we’ve learned. These lessons are ultimately what start attracting the right man to you.
When a man wants to be completely available for you, he will be. A man will treat you like you should be treated and being a well-adjusted, high-valued woman will be just enough. Don’t neglect your non-negotiables for a man as you want to always live with integrity. As they say. “Behind every successful man, there’s a strong woman.” It’s about how you can deliver value to your man overtime to help him be the best version of himself while making sure he always feels supported and trusted by you. Our strength is that we push men to be better people just by loving us. As long as you both continue to set boundaries and standards in your relationship, then you’ll be sure to be aligned with getting what you want. Understanding that a relationship is work is key, and as you grow you both need to have a mutual understanding that you will continue to grow together and show up for each other when the other one needs it. This is the goal in partnership. When a man sees and feels this, you can make him fall in love with you forever.
Wishing you all the best,
Your coach for knowing how to make a man fall in love
“The first time I fell in love, I was 19, and my dad had recently died, so I fell in love with a substitute for him. My first husband looked like my dad.